Expect a lot more posts in the coming days. This is the longest existential crisis I’ve ever had. I’m figuring out a lot of things and I feel I should share them as I find the answers, not just because if I don’t, everyone might be confused by the slightly changed ‘me’ that will write here once the crisis is over, but also as a reference guide for myself when I lose track of things or forget the answers I’ve been finding.
I’ve been pondering—obsessing really—about everything that I put out into this world, including my blog posts, and what their purpose might be. But let’s just talk about blogging today.
I started blogging back in 2015 because I thought it was a fun, cool thing to do. It took me four consecutive days to get addicted, and even though after this addiction my blogging wasn’t super regular, I stuck to it. Slowly, the frequency of posts (and their quality) increased, so did the number of people reading what I was writing. I didn’t take me long to fall in love with it and imagining myself blogging for the rest of my life.
I love blogging. But because I was so desperately trying to fix global warming (the cause of my existential crisis) by reducing my energy consumption, I decided to let go of most things I do online, such as browsing writing memes and aesthetically-pleasing journals on Instagram, watching YouTube reaction videos, reading tons of material on something I’ll never implement, and so on.
It was easy to stop doing those things. But still, I felt I wasn’t doing enough. So I decided to go further when I found myself questioning if I should stop blogging. After all, I need electricity to run this computer and the internet, to write these words, to publish them. I’m still using energy.
It went so far that I wondered, what is the point of blogging? I’m not an expert. I’m not sharing how-to articles to make your life better. I’m not sharing tips. I’m not providing you with anything that would be valuable to you in any way. What do you get from reading my blog? The rants of a teenager who keeps quitting things, writes endlessly about books and writing, dwells on her loneliness, and routinely questions the meaning of life. How could any of that be of use to you?
I thought it was just passive consumption, which I really hate. Until recently, I was a passive consumer too. I soon realized this was a huge problem for everyone and I wished people wouldn’t fall victim to it because they could do so much more with their lives. But then I had to remind myself that I can’t change people, I can’t control them, I can’t tell them what to do.
Which brings me to why I’m going to continue blogging:
Firstly, there’s a lot that I have to share. There’s a quote by Anne Dillard that goes-
The impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you.
And one by Eleanor Roosevelt-
When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die.
I’ve marked these quotes in my commonplace book but hadn’t thought about what they really meant, until now.
I may not have expert tips or ultimate guides to share with you all, but there are certain things, certain people, certain resources and ideas that have made life better for me, and if I share them here, maybe they’ll make life better for you too. It only makes sense to give something back to the world when I’ve taken so much from it and am here today because of it.
Making pretty notes with colorful pens and stickers, taking a picture of them and posting it on Instagram—doesn’t sound like something that would change the world or even help anyone, but those pretty notes, the bullet journaling and Studyblr/Studygram communities are the reason I aced my exams without losing my mind.
So what you do does make a difference, even if it looks like it can’t, and sometimes in unexpected ways. Sharing matters, and so share I will. What others do with what I share is none of my business. My job is to share. Who knows what it’ll lead to?
The most important thing isn’t to create something world changing, but simply to create.
Secondly, I’m going to do it because I love it. I reminded myself that not everything I do has to be for others. I was scrutinizing every one of my actions to analyze how they might benefit others, which is not really the right way to do good for others.
I can do some things purely just because I love them, and I don’t have to stop doing them because they don’t make the world a better place. But as I said above, they might. Things are unpredictable and surprising, sometimes in a good way.
So I’m going to continue showing up here at least once a week or more because I love blogging and because I hope you enjoy what I write here. I try to post only the best stuff, although sometimes that doesn’t really happen. But it’s okay as long as I write here with passion and honesty.
You alter the course of others’ lives by what you create and contribute. When you contribute something to the world, you matter.